I <3 RUNNING

am - Me and Chandis wanted to see how bad we could kill ourselves. . . .no sleep, well a few hours! It was painful to get up, oh so painful!!!! Moving along nearly killed me too . . . my legs are so sore! I think we did a shuffle not a run. My brain function so far for today, not good, not good at all! 

pm -  Wow it takes everybody awhile to dress out. Today instead of sitting around I started the warm up with Kareena and then went with Chandis on her warm up. So all in all a mile! I could of ran it faster because the first 800 was sooo slow. Then we took off on our workout for today, a whole 4 miles! We started 2450 and took some detors to make it 4. It was way fun!!!

Goals for tomorrow:

* Trust myself that I'm a lot better then I think I am

* Do everything I can and just improve from there

I don't know what I want to set for time goals and I don't want to because its dissapointing everytime. I'm just going to give everything I have got!!!!

RACE DAY. . . .but not at the same time! I freaking do not know what is up with me! I obviously can not race worth beans. I'm not good at track at all, this short and really quick stuff. . . not my thing! Once you give me just a fast pace I can hold it and hold on to it forever but track is. . . too fast. . .too short. . . .don't like it! The 1600. . .my worst nightmare as well as anything below. The 3200 is the funnest race to me but I wish it was longer.

Ashley Judd came up to me during the track meet and told me alot of people were saying I practice different then I race. I kinda already knew that, after a few girls told me that at the Hurricane track meet. Oh wait those girls said I could run really well in practices but I choke in races. Yep they nailed that right on the wall. I can feel it too. In practice I feel way good and I can go way fast and I love it. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to take my form and may way of running into the races because I run really weird at races.

1600- I had been waiting for this race since the Hurricane track meet. It killed me to watch it at Pine View when I couldn't race. I visualized the time I wanted, I didn't freak myself out and I was going to go all out for it. I'm just not fast enough though. I was so slow compared to the time I wanted. I was so frustrated.

3200 - This race was after Ashley Judd talked to me. I figured I wasn't going to race it AT ALL! I was going to start out slow and just find the way I run at practices. I tryed to memorize the feeling. I just went with it on this race. No pushing it all all. It is a way short race now. Last year I counted the laps and this year. . . it just goes by too fast.

a.m - 3 legs felt really good

p.m - Ran to sunset tires with Ashley. Ran to the top of the hill and waited around for the other girls so I could talk and run with them. I didn't want to run alone. It was a good run. Sometimes going at a slower pace kills me shins and hips and knees though. 

* striders after

a.m - Legs very fatigued this morning. Not hurting at all just so dead and feeling like bricks. Other then that I'm starting to like these morning runs. 

p.m - A little over 6 onto the trail and back. It was SO hot today! After that I had to do some things and the 4x200's 

Today was a REALLY hard day today. My best friend and running friend is not running anymore due to an injury. I understand but it is so hard. . . . I'm just very irritated.

p.m - Today was not too bad. Legs really, really, fatigued. I don't know why but they just feel like bricks. Chandis biked next to me as I ran today. 

a.m - Legs still haven't bounced back much. The run was really good though. It feels really good to just get out in the mornings. It makes for a good day. 

p.m - Ran a mile warm up before the 1600.

1600 - Last year I used to take off with the gun and die at the end. I just tried to pace myself today. There is a hard pace and there is pace that is holding back too much. I held back to much. It's the best time I have had all season though. I didn't have any nerves, I just tried to treat everything like a workout. I have a major head case if things get too serious of tense with races.

800 - mmmm. . . the 800 is not my thing. I could of gone so much faster! This was my first time actually racing this race though. Next time I will know its lots faster. Just another speed workout.

3200 - The 3200 was right after the 800. . .ugh. By this point I had not eatin anything since lunch! I was SO hungry. My stomach was grawling all through this week and my body had nothing to give. I thought I was doing good. . .ha! I try but not hard enough!! I  need to really get into it. . . without the nerves!!!

4x400 - I thought the 800 was a joke but try putting all our distance girls on a 4x400 team. . .now that is a joke! It was actually really run except for coming around that last corner. Of course we came in last but it was fun!

Overall my legs were seriously dead. I did not think negative at all though, I was quiet excited to be there. I really tired hard but I know I need to be pushing so much harder. That will be the next thing I need to work on. I had no nerves today and I wasn't scared of everything. No head case! I enjoyed running so many races in fact I LOVED it. I hope I can run more races all the time, if there is room.

Today was the best ever. I loved where we ran, I hope we do it lots more!!! It was nice to go somewhere new and somewhere not so busy. We got lost a few times but we figured it all out. I ran with Rachel this time. There was only one problem with that run, the hill! It hurt so bad. My legs were already dead from yesterday so the hill nearly topped me off. We were breathing like we had never ran a day in our lives when we got to the top of that. Took me and minute or two to recover while still running but I bounced back pretty quick. 

a.m - Oh wow I just about didn't make it this morning. Not because I was tired but because I thought my alarm clock was stopwatch to a race. Interesting. I made it though. =) Legs are still very dead!! 

p.m - 2 mile warm up

8x400's hard

Saw Holt after to see what the plus was. 4x200's hard!

2 mile cool down. Chandis road next to me and let me rant and rave to her all about how FREAKING IRRITATED I AM!!!!! SERIOUSLY!!!!! I'M SO SICK OF THIS!!!!!!!! YELL SCREAM, KICK AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

I know I am not the only one that feels this way. I have talked to SO many people who are frustrated with the same exact thing I am frustrated with. I do not know if I'm frustrated with myself. That my efforts seem to be getting me know where. Or if I'm frustrated with people that do jack squat a lot of days and are amazing runners. Or maybe it's both. I know I'm not the only one! I don't know what gives me the right to even complain about this. . . Because complaining will get me no where. Maybe even sometimes people complain about me! 

So here is what I have figured. . . .

I am going to give everything I have. I don't care anymore what other people do and do not do. I am running because I love running and I'm not going to let anybody else effect that. I will do every workout from start to finish because one day I will be good.

a.m - . . . the boys really make me feel slow in the morning! The truth is I am. . . I'm usually half asleep with my eyes open and my brain dreaming. I tend to just sit back and relax a bit much. 

p.m - Tired! Tiered, tired, TIRED!!! Ugh! As soon as I heard speed, I wanted to cry. =( But it didn't turn out half bad. 2 sets (2x200's 1x800 1x300) equal jog recovery w/ 2 mile warm up 2 mile cool down and .75 warm up with the whole team! Wow I did butcher the order of things but we got it all in,  I'm still a dork though. This workout doesn't look that bad but by the end of it I was toast. We started out with some great 200's 38, 47 (oops), 40, 42. . . and I can't remember the rest of the times. . . . The equal jog recovery killed me. The 2 mile cool down with Kalie was awesome though. Kalie, in such a short period of time, has just made herself an amazing runner. It took me a lot to get where and she is just running right along with me. She said she is going to start coming to morning practices to with me! =) A BUDDY!  She will be a great runner!! Man some of the girls I'm just excited for.

**correct me if I'm wrong on the total miles?! I think I added it up right. 

* Ugh. . . I over stepped it today. . .but I promised myself never again! One of my friends when we were up at BYU was complaining about her leg hurting and that she did not think she could race. We called her a faker and she raced. . . . she ended up with a fractured leg and was out the rest of the season, really effecting our team. I felt bad, we took her whole season just for that stupid race. She could of taken a week off rather then be in a boot the whole season. It was coming back today and I vowed never to do any of that crap again especially if its just a workout. I told her to listen to her body and not do it! Should of let coach take care of that. I never want to be responcible for anything like what we did at BYU again though.

p.m - I did not like the idea of forming our own relays today. I tried to get on so many teams. . . and form so many teams, maybe I just stink at running or maybe I stink at life in general! I finally formed one though! The only one and the best relay of the night. I ran first 1200 then Lisa took it for the 400 (she did AMAZING!) Chelsie for the 800 and Kalie wanted the 1600! All in all it was way fun to just be on a relay with them. Later we were talking and we were all glad we did it. Gave up after that on forming or getting into another one and hung out at the long jump. 

a.m - Nobody showed up this morning but me and coach. Great run! 

p.m - Piano stuff =(  have a duet in a recital coming up so I had to leave to practice that once more. Camp meeting and then 6 with striders

Decided to run with a group of girls today and I'm glad I did. It was nice and easy. We talked lots and just had fun. We did dog pound with a mile at the school and then 8x100 striders. 

a.m - 3

p.m - I thought I would just go run why were up at the SUU track meet. It was to cold and windy. . . should of put in more miles why I was out this morning. . .LAME! 

Not much running in today I went to the doctor again and it took a bit longer then I thought.

I went into the doctor about a month ago because I had a large lump behind my left ear. She suggested that it might be infection from earings, post surgery fluid (from 10 years ago), slight chance of cancer. We were going to cut it open there but didn't have a good feeling about it.

We then went over by the old hospital were I had a small surgery removing it. They found that it was not cancer, infection, or anything they thought it might be. They found saliva in it because he nicked my saliva glad. I don't have a lot of feeling on and around my ear because some nerves were cut in the process.

The follow up appointment everything looked good. About two weeks after the follow up the lump was coming back. Thought it could have been some scare tissue so the doctor had me massage it a lot. 

This week we went back in and it was not scare tissue and its continuing to grow again. At this point we are going to wait till after track ends to do something more. It might be cancer but I don't think it is. After that we have no ideas of what is happening.

Sometimes the unknown is scary. I have a feeling everything is going to be okay. I am not going to die. I will be just fine. It is not effecting me now and it's not effecting my running so I 

I hurried after I got home from the doctors to the track meet. It was just our team =) What a track meet!!! I missed the 3200 but got to run the 1600 with my best time this year. I can do so much better though!!!! I have done everything I can possibly do! I did even morning practices this year and workouts from start to finish. I feel like I really pushed myself even in the easy workouts. I don't know why my times don't show it but they will at Region!!!!! I love track a lot more then I did at the start of this season. I'm excited for next track season and I have high goals!!!

I'm disappointed in this season that I really tried to push myself and I didn't make the goals that I set for myself. I thought I would be so much faster and better. My first track meet was the biggest dissapointment. It was not where I wanted to start off with. I have had a hard time learning how to race in track meets but I'm getting it! I'm so excited for next season I'm going to start off better and I'm going to push my self even harder then this season and it is going to be fun!

a.m - The last of the morning runs for this season. =(  I have really started to enjoy morning runs. It has taken a lot of time to get to this point but I really do like them. I like the way I feel the rest of the day. I like having time to think and relax. I like the quiet too. A couple weeks and I will start on them again. 

p.m - Did a mile warm up with drills then took off for a 5 out to Washington and back. Good run, just nice and easy. 

Striders in the evening when it wasn't miserable to touch the turf. A 4 mile walk with my sister too.