I <3 RUNNING

a.m. 3 miles with the normal 3 + MCKAYLA! It was great having her out running with us. What about the book of 2010 PVXC _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _! 

p.m. MICHIGAN, MICHIGAN, MICHIGAN, MICHIGAN, MICHIGAN! yikes. . . . .

THIS WORKOUT SCARES ME MORE THAN A RACE! I have been fretting about this workout ever since Monday. I knew it was coming and well it came today! After our 1.5 mile warm up coach talked a little more about this workout, times and what he saw last time that should change this time. The times were a little toned down which helped calm my nervous. In fact, hitting those times almost sounded easy.

Me and Megan had the same goal times so we decided to stick it together. She took of fairly fast on the 800. I stayed back a little knowing it was a little too quick, eventually we ended up together on the second lap of the 800. We came off the track just about right. Then we headed out for our 1.5 at 10K pace. On our first loop coming around I saw the clock and thought we were so behind so the next one I really picked it up. Megan didn't really stay solid with me she was either really behind or a little ahead. It was bonkers. I didn't know what was going on. Coming down to our 800 I was really disappointed thinking we were way behind time but we weren't. We were ahead! It really helped when coach yelled at us asking if we were at race pace. It made me push back up to that 5k pace. Picking the pace back up when your a little tired is hard but it's a great thing to learn. The last 1.5 wasn't really too difficult. Coming up the hill the last time I think I must have been looking at the ground because I really don't know what happened. I looked up and all the sudden Megan was way ahead of me. It really stressed me out and I started to shut down but I thought about racing and if it was a Snow Canyon girl what would I do to get her, it didn't really work. I think she was just excited she was beating me and that adrenalin. I know I have had a target on my back since the beginning of the season. 

Which leads me back to my biggest fear. I fear that as I slow down to run in these groups or wait for different girls it hurts me and although it helps them, they might eventually beat me. Am I giving up my varsity spot. Do I need to go hard for me? The repeats on Monday have been hindering in my head too. Did I really get the best workout because we decided to stick as a group? When I'm not pushing myself at practice, how am I going to push myself in a race. I know it was just a workout but I have been worried since summer. This is a team sport but it's also about what about me and how can I be the best I need to be? STRESS!

Overall it was good to have the slower pace on this workout today because it gave me some confidence back when it comes to this workout. I'm excited for next time we do it now because I know I can do it quicker. I want to hit the second 800 5K time a little harder.

a.m - 3 miles with all the girls! 

p.m. - I can't even remember anything about this run except for the end. . . when I found out my back pack was stolen. My life is over. 150 dollar TI 89 calculator new, 275$ worth of college text books, binders and my last set of car keys! My life is over. . . . . . 

a.m- 3 miles.

p.m - 11 Run a thon!

8 mile with a two mile tempo. Legs are beat. It's taking more steps until my right leg is good to run on without pain. 

a.m - 3

p.m - 7

a.m - 3 miles 

p.m - Speed workout. 4x30 sec 3x800 2x1000 Fairly good workout. My leg didn't hurt much during the speed stuff. 1.5 mile warm up and cool down.

a.m - 3 miles. Most of the run to Artic Circle was painful. It eased up when we were almost there but yet again when we stopped and had to restart the pain increased. 

p.m - 7 mile formaser. Coming down formaster hurt like HANNAH! The whole run was slightly uncomfortable but especially that last part. 

after striders. 

a.m - 3 miles. The whole run was difficult. Good thing the pace was slow. I was limping horrible the whole time. For two hours after this run my leg throbbed and throbbed. I wanted to skip this morning run but. . . .One it's not good to skip runs . . . two all the other girls come out on Thursdays and I can't let them down. 

p.m 5 with Megan. I really couldn't run at all. I didn't whine about the pace or anything but it hurt so so so bad. And every time we had to stop at a stop light and start again the pain increased like 10x!

Thursday : After I was done with my five miles I knew something was wrong. I thought Mark, the athletic trainer at the high school, could just tape me better for the race. It hurt so bad to run I thought tape would solve it all. I went into see him and asked him to look at it. As he began looking there were no knots in my leg to workout nothing seemed to be wrong except this one place on my bone. He did a lot of test Physical tests jumping, moving, pushing, running. And then did an ultra sound on it. He also tried taping but nothing was working and I knew what it meant. I went home a complete mess. I still am a complete mess. I'm devastated and my heart is in my throat as I'm still waiting. 

My mom called the trainer and they set up a special appointment for me Friday morning. The doctor didn't really look at me but he said it was not a stress fracture and gave me a steroid pack to start taking. Since I couldn't get a hold of my coach in time to get another girl to go to Murry I went. I felt like a waste of space and that I was not even a part or supposed to be there (pretty sure that all came from my head but still)! It was the hardest thing to not get to run. Sometimes I would laugh and wish I just got to cheer everybody on but I felt like a piece of crap not racing. A worthless piece of crap. Running give me meaning.

Today: Monday August 13. . . Medicine is not working and there is no change. I have done everything! Ice, new shoes, medicine, staying off it, not even attempting to run until I took two steps today! It's frustrating in so many ways. This is the year we are going to take region and I have been working so hard to be a part of that and make it happen. And here I sit today not even knowing. I really feel like a good cry.

Nothing is working! Blah. Just did the elliptical! 

30 minutes on the bike, elliptical and pool running. 

p.m - I hit another all time low tonight. Lower than I have ever felt in my whole life. In fact tonight I didn't hold back the tears or rage and sadness and everything else bottled up in me. It all came out because my parents talked to me.

I really don't know much about this injury and I don't think anybody else does either but it's physically impossible for me to run right now. . . I have tried several times. This is my senior year and I can't run right now. I don't really want to go into what a crap load of emotions I feel but to write down what my parents told me.

1) This could be a blessing. Maybe I could come back stronger. Maybe these annoying stupid machines are teaching me something. . .form? I don't know but go with the chance that maybe.

2) God could be teaching me something through this. Faith, that I'm putting my trust in him, my whole heart. And knowledge, that I know he knows my pain both physical and mental. I have actually felt a lot an learned a lot tonight. Before I just wouldn't let myself I was too upset.

3) My parents reminded me of the Ryan Hall testimony. I think I'm too that point. I was running and proud and now I would just be happy if I got my ability to run back and I would be thankful and praise God with it.

4) I am a team captain and I feel like right now I'm a horrible example and I know I am hard to be around because I feel bad for myself. But my parents told me to be an example of overcoming adversity. To work through something this hard because I love it. And forget about myself and my problem and continue to build this team.

I have felt a lot and learned a lot tonight talking to my parents. I guess what I'm going to do now is put my fate in my Heavenly Fathers hands and continue doing everything I can. Because at the end of the season I want no regrets. So if everything consists of mornings and evenings on the elliptical, bike and swimming that is what I will do. And I will work hard doing it.

a.m - 30 minute workout at the gym. 15 minutes on the the elliptical and 15 minutes on the bike.  I went really hard and I kept bumping up the resistance as the time went on to get a good hard workout. Still nothing like running. But I will do everything I can. Because my dad reminded me at the end of the season no matter what to have no regrets. 

p.m - 30 minutes on the elliptical 30 minutes on the bike and 30 minutes of straight up and down pool running with Michael! I did the bike and elliptical alone and those were the longest half hours of my life. I was SO board. I didn't even feel like I was working hard even though I was going fast and I set a reasonable resistance. I thought Michael ditched out on me but his appointment went long so right after my swimming warm up he came! We did 30 minutes of consistent pool running together. It was REALLY hard but Michael kept me going. We feel the same about life and injuries right now. . . they stink! But we talked about why we love running and running and it was the best half hour of my day! He also pushed me because a half hour of pool running without anything. . . ow! The last minute of the workout we went as hard as we could! 

I put my leg in a freaking cold ice bath tub. It hurt so bad I wanted to cry and pull it out but I toughed it out for 5 minutes and then it didn't hurt so bad and I left it in for 15! Icing made all the difference today.

a.m - 30 minutes all on the bike. I couldn't make myself get on the stupid elliptical.

p.m - Michael said coach gave us a workout today. We started in the pool and warmed up for 10 minutes and then did 5x1 minute hard with a one min recovery. Even through the recovery we were still running. . . .no stopping. It was really fun today with Steph and Michael. . . still I miss running.GOOD NEW though!! My leg feels a little better. It's coming around. I am going to try running tomorrow.. . . wish me luck! After swimming we went up stairs and bike for 15. It was nice to a have break compared to the other days.